"See me as I really am
I have flaws and sometimes I even sin
So pull me from that pedestal
I don't belong here"
-Halo (Bethany Joy Lenz)
People like it when light is shined upon their faces.
Personally, I like to think I'm photosensitive to that kind of stuff.
I'm not one to enjoy any attention given to me. The world of the faceless crowds is so much more peaceful in a world where attention elicits a mass of speculation and countless opinions that makes you insecure every time you hear 4 or 5.
Trust me. I'm surrounded by people who are so much more than another piece of the peanut gallery.
When people ask about the students of Blaze high, they talk about Honor Student Michelle Grey or athlete Freddie Tran or talented actor Vin Sage and his equally talented singer sister Ginny Sage. Basically the Trailblazer circle.
But when you hear the name Mike Hart, you think "Hmm... Wasn't he that nobody who hung around the trailblazer kids. Or that generic white teenager that walks around the school with a bunch of cool friends.
But no one really knows me. Not even when Michelle gave a passing mention of my name during her valedictorian speech or when Vin thanked me for his Oscar in the years after.
Unlike my very fortunate friends, I've done nothing but work in the shadows. It doesn't bode well for me when I draw any sense of attention towards me.
After all...
The attention that my friends got was what ultimately drew them apart. In the end, in these past years as a young adult, the trailblazer circle had successfully created inspiration with their success. However, this was at the cost of what drew us all together.
And in the end, from the shadows, I'm the only link left in this circle falling apart.
I remain the single thread that these people of power have left to bind them. Because behind the authority and strength they express to the public eye, they have been broken down by the standards and expectations it has brought down unto them.
Michelle may have been an honor student, but behind the closed doors of her room when I visit her to help her study, she cries and no no one ever knows. The slits on her wrists show a struggle to keep herself in control. In this day, as a senator, Michelle has been stricken with nothing but grief and constant worry over politics. No longer did she just talk about it in a spew of annoyance, she had to be careful what she says lest she be overrun by the public just waiting for her to slip up.
Ginny is a touring musician surrounded by adoring fans, but from when she was building her career up until now, all she ever knew was a life on the road and a crowd of people that want to use her or spite her. And behind every curtain, she wraps her hands around her head and sits in a corner until she can shut the voices in her head telling her she's no good.
Poor Freddie, an overworked basketball player pulling a team of overconfident jocks and practically running himself ragged trying to keep himself stable. But its hard when everyone is trailing you with the intent of exploiting what is apparently his true self. What a bunch of shit, these tabloids say really.
Of course, he never has it as hard as Vin Sage, who has to hire a body guard to keep people who see him from lunging at him. Crazy paparazzis stalking him everywhere he goes. Crazy fans picking up anything with his DNA on it.
And where am I in all this?
I'm the nobody who they dump their problems on.
I'm just a guy who works in front of a computer everyday for a small scale video game company and the few friends who do know about my high end friends are so surprised about my connection with them.
And yet, every time a political upheaval arises, I'm the first person Senator Grey calls. Whenever Great Vin Sage's movie needs an extra to fill the background, I'm on a set mumbling a bunch of random words or pretending to be dead. When Number 14 Tran needs a drink from a heavy day. I'm already in the bar with him. Swatting away incoming fans. When Ginny is in a slump, I'm the first person she wants to share what she's made.
And when I'm done, they go on with their lives.
Why don't they call each other anymore instead you ask? Well when they've been in the same big spotlight, they tend to be put in conflict and they just don't talk anymore.
And I end up as the councilor.
It's a shame really.
As a person who has been burned by the light before I moved to Blaze High, this was exactly what I was avoiding when I made friends. All I wanted was to support them and it's brought about nothing but success to their lives. Every little favor that I did for them but kept my name out of to avoid my previous pain has instead brought them to the same position I was in when I was in middle school.
I so miss the days when we were all just faceless people going on with their lives.
Instead, they drift apart and refuse to make up, they deal with their S level troubles and I'm expected to save them now as if it was high school.
So in the end, after I finished working on the very first game our company has made, I finish a graphic novel I made on the side and I intend to cash in a bunch of favors.
But its not about the money or about the fun stuff.
Suffice to say, when all my friends arrived at the cake place we used to go to when we were all still just friends, they sat awkwardly in a circle, trying to avoiding eye contact.
And soon I arrive as well.
"This is goodbye." I say.
My friends looked up in startled panic.
"What do you mean?" Freddie says.
I chuckled. "Well. I mean it's optional."
The group stared at one another before returning their gaze to me.
"Where are you going?" Michelle asks.
"To melt into the crowd and fade away."
I spot Vin lean toward his body guard in a nearby booth, trying to say to watch over me in his worried panic.
"I'm not going to kill myself you idiot."
He clears his throat and sits still. "Then what do you want?"
I placed the graphic novel on the table. "If you don't get what this is, then you haven't been paying attention. I will fade away and in theory, you may never find me again. But I'm giving you all the one chance to keep me around. But what does a Senator, Actor, Singer, and Basketball Player need me for. This circle we had was never tense the first time we met. But now it's frigid. In recent days, I've been turned from a friend into a personal rant hotline. I've never asked you all for anything and it was enough for me that you're happy. But you're not. And this is may be the last attempt I'll have to fix what you all broke with your time in the light."
"You're not making much sense." Ginny says, a frown planted on her face. "Just spit it out."
"So impatient." I stand, pausing for a wistful second. "I want you all to read this graphic novel and see if you value this nobody enough to make up. All you know is the tale of your lives. But how about from my eyes? I will leave this shop and disappear into the night. I will change my number by the end of the day. If you truly value what well had, then I will hear a genuine call from all of you before this day ends. And I will see if anything was repaired. Otherwise... It's goodbye."
I walk away from the stunned group, walking toward the exit and ignoring any call to return. They must be dumbfounded to read The Eyes of Hart by Blaze Mann.
But there's a sliver of hope they understand as I melt into the crowd of the town.
Will they make amends and call? Or will they go on with their lives.
Who knows?
I can tell you how this story ends. But it's up to you how you think this will all end.
