Myself and Only Myself

A poem on the quote I like to quote upon the end of my profile bio.

Myself and Only Myself

A fallen lily, a fallen leaf
A falling stone, a falling phone
Our fallen wishes, our falling dreams
Save them, can we? Catch them, should we?
Will our identity lead us to an answer?

We grow up, We die
Hoping something goes right, broken when it doesn’t
Are we supposed to be just another face in the crowd?
Or are we supposed to find out who we should ever be?
We’ll only ever know by ourselves

Life’s too short, but it seems so long
Then again, you never notice the clock move on
When you think its peaceful, then you’re dead wrong
We’re always at a war
With someone, or with ourselves

People come and go in our lives
But we’ll always have ourselves
You can isolate yourself in a room
Or you can melt in the crowd, but you’ll still find you
Because no one can ever be who you are

Why live a life of white and gray?
When you can take that rainbow, you know it’s there
I’ve found that and drove away
And I know in my heart that I’ll never fade
For I am Myself and Only Myself

I’m fine with that, and I always will be
Cause the way I see it
 I wouldn’t have it any other way

Thanos Venge: Wind Up

"No answers, nothing will ever be the same."
-Sonder(Eclipses for Eyes)

The images were vivid as Reese began to dream.
"Come on, Reese!" Reese followed his friend through the woods. Deeper and deeper as they trekked, they finally reached their tree house. A place they've kept in great condition even though they were High School Sophomores. What could Reese do? They were best friends after all.
"Are we ever gonna bring Mandy here?" Reese asked.
But his friend only stared into the distance.
"Hey."
"She's not ready."
They spent a few moments catching up before deciding to go to home.
Little did they know, they'd be more than just walking home.
"Dad..." Reese saw the fire in his friend's dad's eyes as he dumped a body off the cliff they used to look at.
"You didn't see nothing, ya hear!" As they backed away, the crazy eyes set in and the large man was running after them. When they thought they lost him, he's 15 inches ahead.
"Be good boys and come...Come on."
Reese held on to his friends arm. He did not want to die, nor did he want his friend to die. Not now, not today.
From his backpocket, Reese slowly pulled out a can of Mace that Mandy had given him on the event that a bear may attack.
There was a standoff, and Reese could see the deranged man's hands by the Taurus 9mm in his pocket.
An odd place to be stuffing a pistol.
Then Reese broke the ice.
The Mace let loose a burst of burning white liquid that burned through the man's eyes.
"Run!" They obviously did. Reese was scurrying to dial 911.
"911, what's your emergency?"
"Hello, we're being chased by someone with a gun. We saw him dump a body and now he's trying to kill us... The guy was my friend's father. His name is-" A shot cut Reese off. He could hear the woman on the phone gasp in shock.
Reese's friend fell flat to the ground. He was breathing, thank god. But the side of his head was bleeding, heavily.
Reese didn't want to look back and just carried him and ran as fast as he can. The phone was still on his ear.
"Oh god! Oh god!! He just shot my friend! He shot him! I've managed to get us away from him!"
Reese reached old lady Parsen's house and knocked frivolously.
"Hello! Help!" Her grandson, Jason Stackwell didn't ask questions and just let them in and locked the door.
"I'll go get the first aid kit."
"We're in a nearby house. The address is 9023, Ransom Road, Eastbrick Colorado! Please! Help!"
Reese placed a gauze Jason handed him on his friend's bleeding head.
"Dude, no... Please, open your eyes!"

-V-

Reese woke up screaming. It was 6 in the morning.
"What's wrong?!" Mandy came rushing, wearing only a bathrobe.
Reese gasped a few times and wiped the sweat off his face.
"Hey..." Mandy pat his back.
"...Terrence" he uttered.
The memory was so vivid. It would plague Thanos' dreams randomly. But even if it didn't he never forgot. Besides, his friend was the sole reason why he turned to life of revenge.
Terrence Sanders was Reese's first best friend. He had known him long before he met Mandy. That one day in Reese's dreams, they saw Grant Sanders throwing a corpse off a cliff.... and it ended with Terrence's coma. He'd been in that coma for 2 years. His mother, Janine Sanders refused to let him off life support, while the father was no where to be found.
It became Thanos' mission to find him, exact his revenge, and destroy him.
But was that really the start of it? When did he really begin to start getting revenge?
"Reese...." She started and sat by her friend's side. "Maybe we should visit him."
Reese stared at her, with a curious and sad look in his eyes.
He hadn't seen Terrence in a year. He'd promised himself that he'd come back whenever he's done something to get closer to the man that did this to him. And the last time that happened, Reese had only managed to find a CCTV screenshot of him in the middle of the road just beyond Maine.
Nothing after that.
But maybe Mandy did have a point. Can't a visit be for the sake of friends? Can't it be to check up on someone you always think of but never see anymore? Besides, it was a Saturday. What was the harm?

-V-

Reese showered in his bathroom and reminisced of old memories.
Like the day they met Mandy.
"Give me your lunch money, prick! You think you can straddle around this school and act like Hit Girl from Kick-Ass to save people? Please! Get your head out of your ass."
Mandy was defending a small Freshman boy who was being harassed by the local bully, Lester Ricks.
Just as the bully was about to hit Mandy, she pulls out a black, handheld device with probes on its tips. On closer inspection, Reese identified it as a Stun Gun. The same one Reese borrows to this day every now and then when he needs it to incapacitate someone or fight back.
"Stun Guns are legal here. No one can stop me from just outright tasing you with Mr. Raichu." She pokes it on the bully's gut who was contemplating if he should retract his fist. "Tell me. Are you feeling lucky? Or would you like to have a word with Mr. Raichu's friend, Mr. Koffing." She pulls out a can of Mace. Identical to the one she had given to Reese just 2 days before the incident with Terrence's dad.
"You crazy bitch!" A crowd had swarmed to watch. Lester was obviously stupid to think he could react faster and swung his hands. His fist didn't connect as the Stun Gun zaps the bully to the ground. Reese and Terrence saw Lester's big friends approach and they knew they had to intervene.
Mandy saw one come at her. Maybe she DID watch Kick-Ass. Her first reaction was violently stepping on the man's feet and then spraying her Mace at his eyes. He falls and starts rolling to try and get the spray off his eyes. Another approaches and she vehemently swings her hand with the Stun Gun at him. He catches her hand as she activates the weapon. Cackles fly as she struggles against the teenager's strength.
"You know what people call guys who hit girls? Gay." She flashes a devious smile as the bully wound up to do a strike. Mandy is flung aside as the bully falls in pain.
Terrence had swung a copy of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows at his back. It was heavy enough to do a good amount of pain.
The last one comes rushing. Terrence winds up his book, as if playing baseball and Mandy held on to her weapons. But none of them attack because the guy had fallen face first. Reese had tripped him over with his foot. Now as the bully stands up, Reese flashes him a photo on his phone. It wasn't big enough so only the bully could see.
"You wouldn't want this to suddenly just start flying around school, would you? I mean, I've got copies. You can punch me if you want, but it's just going to make you and your pathetic little friends lives harder, you know? I'll make it hell as quick as possible. Now, you can back off and I wont post this up on every possible social site and newspaper across the country, or opt a ride to a world of shame and misery." The bullies stand up and start to back off.
"Alright, alright! Break it up!" The Math teacher, Mr. Nelson breaks the scene.
"Ms. Roe and Mr. Ricks, everyone in this fight, come with me."

After a whole talk about how violence is never the answer, The Freshman took a brave turn and told Mr. Nelson how Mandy, Terrence, and Reese were only looking out for him. The bullies made a scary face at him, but one whispered something to another. They turned to Reese, who made an intimidating grin and pulls up his phone.They all look away, scared.
Mandy and Terrence were given a warning for harming her peers on her first few days and a pat on the back for standing up for the weak. The bullies were given 2 weeks of detention.
Reese was ignored throughout the most part,as he wasn't seen tripping over anyone. He was only seen with the phone in front of the fallen guy.
As they leave the room, Mandy stops them.
"Thanks." She says.
"Hey, anyone who can taser Lester Ricks is a friend of mine." Terrence says.
Mandy smiles. "I just can't stand it when people pick on others. I'm new, and I know it's a bad move, but still..."
"Hey, you're welcome to stick with us. That is, if you're fine with the testosterone." Reese interjects. "No one really messes with us." He adds.
"I think I'll take you up on that offer. Better than staying with stuck up little sluts who stab each other in the back while smiling...." She laughs. But returns a strange look at Reese. "Wait a minute. I saw you trip the other guy, but what was that thing with the phone about? They looked ready to shit their pants."
Reese's eyes look up and he gives a smug grin.
"That my friend." Terrence says. "Is Reese's secret weapon. Blackmail."
"The greatest and most dangerous weapon is information, dear Mandy." Reese adds.
Mandy takes it in and nods. "Remind me not to share any of my secrets with you."
"Don't bother. I've got more ways than one to find out your deepest, darkest secrets."
And from that day on, they were fast friends.

~V~

"It's so nice to see you again, Reese. Mandy."
"Mrs. S." Mandy replies.
"How is he?" Reese asks.
Janine Sanders eyes her comatose son and sighs. "Still the same... I've got enough money to keep him alive so I'm not really worried about the costs, but... It's been so long and I don't know how long Terrence will keep fighting..." Her eyes started to water and she was holding her own not to break down.
"Hey, I'm sure that Terrence will hang in there. He's got to!" Mandy reassures.
"I KNOW he'll hang in there." Reese adds. "He's Terrence Sanders."
Janine smiles and stands up. "It's about time for lunch. Would you kids like something?" She picks up her purse.
Mandy stands up as well. "I'll go with you. You don't have to pay for us. Right, Reese?" Reese nods and gives her a 20 dollar bill. "Some nuggets and a coke's fine."
Mandy takes the money, jokingly saying that she'd buy herself something more with it before leaving with Mrs. Sanders.
Reese watches as they shut the door and returns his gaze to his comatose best friend.
"I'll get him, you know." He says. "I haven't been here in a while... Ha... Some Best Friend I am."
Reese falls into a short silence. Before he let tears unconsciously fall off his cheek.
"...O-Oh." He says and wipes it off.
Reese observes the machines keeping his friend alive and stifles a sigh.
"It must be nice... Living inside a dream... Ha, what am I saying. It's been two years... I miss you dude..." Another set of tears fall down, but he wipes it off and takes out a notebook.
"Here's some things you missed while you're still asleep, bastard." He laughs and reads the notebook.
"E.R.strikes again. I hear he...or she been getting on the police's nerves. Ha, screw them. Can't even do their jobs right. I say E.R.'s a hero." He flips through the notebook.
"Cassie White from Terra High saved her little brother from this burger joint kidnap slave labor thing. Paramore released their 6th album yesterday. It was great..." He trails off.
"I wonder if you can hear me right now. It hurts, but I hope you do. It's never the same without you." He stares at his friend's peaceful face and takes out a pair of headphones with a logo saying "Fuck Off" and placed it in his friend's ears. He plays a song from his IPod and watches silently.
"Those names we made when we were younger? I've gotten used to using it recently. I never thought I'd be using hacking as a benefit either, but... Revenge is my drug. Thanos Venge thanks you... Arthur Day." He says. Arthur Day, meaning Strength and Hope, he thought. He had always been the darker one of the two. Thanos Venge, meaning Death Revenge as he put together when they made their alter-names. Reese never thought he'd create a Persona along with it, however. But if it meant doing what he would to find Grant Sanders along the way, he'll do whatever it takes. Whatever. It. Takes.
Mandy enters the room and gives Reese his food
"Here's your nuggets."

"Where's Mrs. Sanders?" He asks, noticing her absence.

"She had to take a business call, said they were calling her to work." 

Reese knew that as much. She was a busy person. Then, he got his own business call. Or text, really.

Client: Lisa Vane

Revenge Crediblility: Reliable

Age:17

Click here for personal info.

Target: Carter Anderson

Info on target here

Reason: "That son of a bitch cheated on me. What's worse? She cheated on me with my sister AND my cousin. I want this bastard to pay!"

Personal Favor/Requests: I want a picture of him duct taped, naked, to a pole with a crossdressing hooker.

"Thats my call..." Reese says under his breath. 

He finishes the food and pats Terrence on the arm.

"Mandy, I gotta go. Urgent text. I've got your Mr. Raichu so dont worry about me."

She sucks in some air and breathes.

"Well, just be safe. I'll head home later. I'll catch up with Terrence for a while and maybe go shopping. See ya at home."

And he was gone.

Thanos emerges from a bathroom stall, wearing his usual attire. The hoodie, with Mandy's Stun Gun in his pocket. The call to business was a strong pull. And why not? Reese has admitted that much. Revenge is a drug.

"Hey." He says to the target before tasering him in the neck.

That drug is his drive. And if he needs to be a junkie for things to move forward to the truth, then Reese was willing to dive into the dangers of being Thanos Venge.

Paramore - The Only Exception

When I was younger I saw-
Err I meant, I didn't really like a lot of music.
In the past, I'd scavenge whatever good songs I heard from the radio(Or Glee) and just randomly add it to my MP3 player.
Come one summer time, and my life changes before me. I recall having the song Ignorance on my MP3 and the song Pressure from playing the Sims 2. So, in a state of boredom, I looked the band up and their music. I liked the songs after all, why not hear what the rest of them sound like? You know, that was the first time I had my touch with music. REAL music.
I mean, sure, most of my songs were either J-Rock or random at best, but when I learned about Paramore, it felt like a missing piece of me was found. So as I heard the melodies that constantly became my saving grace when I'm down in the dumps(Or in the mood to strangle), the band had a special place in my heart that would never cease to die. I used to name bands as my favorites solely on certain songs, like Keane per say, but thanks to Paramore(And a few pushes from friends) I learned of other good bands and my taste in music adapted(But mostly stuck to the Rock Genre. I WILL NOT CONFORM TO POP!!! EAT MY DUST BOY BANDS!). I now constantly listen and discover other great bands(Though none that should surpass Paramore's place) like I The Mighty, or Panic! At the Disco, or Our Last Night!
So what's all this whole declaration of love on all about? What's a Parawhore doing what they already do in broad daylight. So much so that it could(And probably has) start to annoy others?
That's the point.
Any other day, I'd declare my everlasting love for Paramore, but today's special.
Not only is this a thanks to the band, but also a reflection upon the people.
I enjoy the serene online presence of other Parawhores like myself, and I can understand them. But this part of this weird post is about how other fans seem to be (One of Those) Crazy Loons.
As another face in the crowd, I enjoy stalking the people I look up to in the internet. Twitter, Instagram, Whatever social site that's still alive these days. Then, I see feuds.
This wasn't very long ago, but it's been in the past.
Recently, Hayley Williams had noted the similarity of One Directions Song to one of New Found Glory's old songs. I already expected an enormous amount of rage coming in from the Directioners at that point. And so had Hayley, who had quickly posted a tweet about how she was probably going to be receiving hate from 1D's fanbase.
I don't want to reignite fires. This post is not about this 1D crap that went on. I'm just stating examples.
Again, this is about the fans.
I read comments(On youtube) How Hayley was causing trouble or how Paramore was talentless, and whatever dipshit those Directioners can dig up off their arses.
Then, there were those who rightfully defended Hayley and actually pointed out facts that Paramore wrote their own songs unlike 1D..
Back on topic, What I mean is how some people are so BIASED that they have to think of awful crap to throw at someone who was JUST STATING HER OPINION! She's a freaking person too, you know! What happened to freedom of speech?
Then it occurred to me how I was probably being biased for being a Parawhore and how I'm being a hypocrite to begin with.
Months ago, Justin Beiber had released a song We Were Born For This, which used (Stolen) fanart of Paramore's album, Riot! which had a song called Born for This(Which is totally awesome, btw). The day I found out, I took to twitter and facebook and started slamming Justin freaking Beiber with hastags.
Fans can be crazy sometimes, and that includes me. But theres a length to where you take your words and actions.
Every angry Parawhore the day they saw JB's stolen art had a reason to be angry. JB had(If unintentionally) ignited the wrath of a large fanbase. And it was justifiable.
Then, there's the crazies.
I saw some really awful words when I saw those comments in a Youtube video I found.
Like I said, these Directioners(Probably hormonal preteens or 12 year old girls, as one said) had spouted how Paramore sucked, or how Hayley was picking on "Their Boys" (*Shudder* Creepy fangirls and their creepy sexfictions are creepy) and how they were going to wait for her in hell.
She was just stating her opinion(Which also sounded like a fact, tbh. The two songs, DID sort of sound alike), Jeez. You shouldn't say awful things without giving it something to back it up. Though, you could say you don't like them because their songs aren't your taste. It's just, when you defend something you love, you don't throw dirt in others peoples eyes for it, lest stab someone. What proof do you have that your favorite band is the best? We're all going to be biased. People are going to pick sides.
But if you actually built up on observation and hard work, you'd know that Paramore had worked longer and harder for where they stand. They didn't rely on looks(As one said) and X-Factor(Another commentor). They worked for it with blood, sweat, and tears.
They've lost friends and they've made new ones.
They've been frustrated and they've made success.
Don't get me wrong. One Direction is popular and a very largely loved (Boy)Band, but sometimes we don't see eye to eye because sometimes we're stereotypes and cliches, and sometimes we're jamming to what we really love. We'll all be at an impasse, but please...
Lets take example of the peaceful fanbases out their.
And not just for bands.
I'll get into the whole SMT and Persona fans one day, but I want to make a point.
Whether you're a Parawhore like me,
Or a Belieber or Directioner like my a few of my friends,
Overcast Kids(Fall Out Boy) or Sinners(Panic! At the Disco)
Little Monsters, Selenators, or whatever the fuck you want,
Can't we be civil fans?
Can't we stop assaulting each other?
They're people too! They get to live their lives as much as WE do.
Can we only RAGE about things that DO matter?
And when we DO rage, can we not attack them or each other with facts we don't even know or care about?
We're hormonal, or we're really, really hooked up.
Lets just enjoy what we Love!
-Sincerely, a Concerned(And sometimes CRAZY) fan.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PRXw9yK3JTM